I’ve noticed recently that my startle reflex is almost gone.
I used to misplace my phone in my own house and feel an immediate spike of panic. But while hiking in the woods this summer, I reached for my phone—which had my wallet and house keys attached to it—and realized it was missing.
My reaction was about the same as if I'd left an unfinished coffee at a café.
Since I was carrying our daughter on my back, I asked my wife if she could retrace our steps. As she looked, I assumed the phone was lost forever. I didn’t ponder the worst-case scenarios. I didn't stress about the time and money it would take to replace my license, cancel my credit cards, or change the locks on our house.
I certainly had a preference that she would find it, but I was completely okay if she didn't. I cared, but I didn't mind.
She found it quickly. I thanked her, but there was no massive sigh of relief. Just a grounded sense that everything was okay, regardless of what happened.
A few weeks later, the exact same thing happened in business. I emailed a client to let them know that, due to overages outlined in our contract, they owed me a significant amount of extra money. My contact called me and flatly stated they weren't going to pay any portion of it.
Again, no startle reflex. No spike of adrenaline. No defensive posturing. From that quiet place, I was immediately able to think of creative ways to remedy the situation. (It turned out he was just pulling my leg—they were actually willing to pay).
When you stop bracing against life, the startle reflex disappears. You don't stop caring about your business or your life. You just stop treating every inconvenience like a predator in the bushes.