My home office can be quite cold. Our apartment was built in the 1940s, so the windows are drafty and the heating system isn't exactly precision-made. On top of that, my desk sits just above the unheated vestibule entrance to our building, so the floor is usually about 45 degrees.
So, what do I do? I put on more layers. I seal up the cracks around the window. I turn on my portable heater. I get a mug of really hot tea I can wrap my hands around. If I'm feeling particularly grandfatherly, I get a blanket. But often, the longer I sit here, the more it seems like I need to turn up the heat even more.
The other day, I remembered that when I go for a brisk walk or bike ride in similarly cold weather, by the end of it, I'm tearing off layers. So, I stood up and did a couple dozen push-ups and squats right there in the office. Just enough to break a sweat.
Suddenly, I was warm. I had all the heat I could ever need. Off came the hoodie, and off went the heater.
We do the exact same thing with our lives. When we feel emotionally "cold" or empty inside, we immediately start trying to change the temperature of the room. We try to get a promotion, and if that doesn't work, we switch jobs. We change partners. We over-eat, over-drink, or over-work. We buy stuff. We try to control how others speak to us. We try to "fix" everyone around us.
We spend all our energy layering on external fixes, hoping that something out there will finally warm us up in here.
But the heat doesn't come from the room. It never has. It is only ever generated from the inside out.