How to Fix that Inner Cold Feeling
My home office can be quite cold. Our apartment was built in the 1940s, so the windows are drafty and the heating system isn't exactly precision-made. On top of that, my office sits just above the unheated vestibule entrance to our building, so the air under the floor in my office is about the same temperature as the air outside, currently about 45 degrees.
So, what do I do? I put on more layers. I seal up the cracks around the window. I turn on my portable heater. I get a mug of really hot tea I can wrap my hands around. If I'm feeling particularly grandfatherly, I get a blanket. Often, though, the longer I sit here, the more it seems like I need to turn up the heat even more.
I remembered that sometimes I go for a brisk walk or bike ride in similarly cold weather, and by the end of the exercise, I'm tearing off layers. So, I did a couple dozen push-ups and body-weight squats in my office, just enough to break a sweat, and then I was warm. I had all the heat I could ever need. Off came my hoodie and off went the heater.
But then I started thinking about all the ways that we feel emotionally "cold" inside, and all the ways we try to "warm up." We try to get a promotion or raise, and if that doesn't work, we switch jobs. We change partners. We over-eat, over-drink, or over-work. We buy stuff, and lots of it. We make our bodies look "better." We try to control how others speak to us or about us. We try to elect new leaders. We "fix" everyone around us. All in hopes that something out there can warm us up in here.
What if we could see that all the warmth we ever wanted — all the joy and lightness we ever needed — was already inside of us? Inside you, there is a giant pile of pristine, dry hardwood, perfectly stacked, waiting to burn brighter than the sun. And all it needs is one tiny spark from you. One tiny spark.
And what's that spark made of? A bit of trust in the unknown, and a bit of compassion for yourself. That's it.
Never-ending warmth. One spark away.